Oh, to run a business
like the government! First, I would not need to balance my checking accounts. You know that has been a real thorn in my side. That concept of having the exact amount of money that I spend is a real pain. Now if I had a government-run agency, I could simply raise my debt ceiling and continue to spend as I see fit. The deficit could simply be an accounting factor, and I could simply spend up to my debt limit.
See also: Grand theft GOP
One of my favorite options would be the ability to simply print money whenever I felt I needed it. I could also pay back the debt with money I print; now that's a valuable tool. Forget that if a citizen prints money himself, it is considered counterfeiting, but when the government prints money it is considered fiscal policy.
As to my auditing
, well that can be as creative as I choose to be. I can use my statistical data any way I prefer in order to make it look positive; all I have to do is change the rule of the data reporting to fit the growth I want for my agency.
But with all these benefits, the best is my new ability to use adverse selection as a prospecting tool
. Now I can look for clients who have pre-existing conditions and sell them policies all day long, and even better, I can get the government to pay for those policies.
I don't know about you, but I want to run my agency just like the U.S. government. For way too long, I have been foolishly working too hard and seeking excellence when I could have simply gone the mediocre route and thrive.
Sadly, we are not allowed to run our business as the U.S. government does, but there is a silver lining in it all. When the government finally reaches the end of the rainbow and crashes into the abyss, I will still have the fruits of my labor.